


Love From Seeing Clearly

by Diary



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Awkward Conversations, Bechdel Test Fail, Canon Bisexual Character, Canon Gay Character, Dubious Consent, Family, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Literal Sleeping Together, Love, Male Friendship, Morally Ambiguous Character, Multi, POV Aaron Dingle, POV Male Character, POV Queer Character, Past Child Abuse, Past Incest, Past Rape/Non-con, Romance, Sharing a Bed, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-19
Updated: 2017-06-19
Packaged: 2018-11-16 04:09:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11246010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Diary/pseuds/Diary
Summary: AU. “Excuse me,” Robert says. “Why is there ‘Paedophile’ on the wall?” Complete.





	Love From Seeing Clearly

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own Emmerdale.

Aaron doesn’t know what’s wrong with him, but he doesn’t care, anymore.

Catching Robert outside the pub, he drags him behind it and drops to his knees.

He recognises it’s sick, but some part of him hopes Gordon happens to come out. Robert’s hurt him (Aaron) and everyone he cares about over and over, but the thing is, Aaron does want to be on his knees. He has in the past, and for all he hates Robert the person, he doesn’t hate what Robert’s body feels like, what Robert’s done to his body, or what he’s done to Robert’s. He’s willingly laid on his stomach, not out of fear and confusion, but because, he wanted to. He’s laid on his back, looked into Robert’s eyes, and truly wanted what was happening.

Even if Robert hadn’t been on his knees and stomach and back in the past, too, Aaron would have still wanted it the times it was him.

…

Later, Robert keeps insisting on touching Aaron’s arm, his shoulder, innocent enough areas, but Aaron’s close to punching him, because, he doesn’t want to be touched anymore.

It turns out, kneeling on the hard gravel in old, worn trousers has consequences such as ripped trousers above bloodied, gravel-embedded knees.

Robert’d gone in and managed to sneak out a bottle of vodka, a towel, and a first aid kit, and Aaron is self-aware enough to know, if he tries dealing with his knees himself, he’ll just end up purposefully causing more pain.

“I wouldn’t say I’m complaining, but what was that?”

“Something I wanted,” Aaron answers.

Aside from the small sounds of bloodied gravel hitting the pavement, there’s silence.

Then, Robert sighs, and the look on his face is one Aaron recognises as Robert about to do something Robert knows he’ll regret. “Me, or the pain?”

Scoffing, Aaron clenches his hand for a moment. “What happened to your high opinion of yourself, eh? If I’s gonna self-harm, I’d’ve done in secret. I can go a long time without being caught, trust me. What I didn’t want was us getting caught or having to listen ta ya talk while we went somewhere. Just didn’t stop to think about the gravel.”

A small smile crosses Robert’s face. “So, uh- what does this mean? For us? About us?”

Aaron shrugs. “Whatever.”

“Give us a better answer than that, eh?" Softer, Robert continues, “I want to be with you properly. I love you, Aaron.”

“Doesn’t matter to me,” he says. “We both know I loved you. Denying it wouldn’t do any good, would it? In the end, I did anything you wanted, no matter how much it hurt me. And that’s on me. I was weak, I couldn’t get you out of here.” He touches his heart.

“But whether you believe it or not, I finally have. You want us to have more fun? Say the word, I’m there. Be with as many men and women as you want, break their hearts and do them wrong, it isn’t gonna hurt me none. But do us both a favour, and don’t talk about love. If I find a decent bloke, one I like and might be able to love, then, he’ll have a chance. And if you try to mess it up for me, I’ll deserve to go prison for what I didn’t before.”

When Robert’s done cleaning the knees, he takes a breath. “You meant everything you just said. Except, I know you, Aaron, and this isn’t you. I don’t want you hurt, anymore. I don’t want to be responsible for you suffering. Is this about- What can I do?”

Leaning his head against the wall, Aaron lets out a bitter noise. “God, you think everything is about you, don’t ya? This? This is about me deciding on my own not to be weak and hurt, anymore. You can’t do anything to make me or stop me suffering. Do you understand? I’m not going to let you. Sometimes, I have a bad day, or sometimes, I’m just horny, and shagging ya isn’t something I’d turn down, but that’s the beginning and end of my use for you, Robert.”

“Well, then.” Robert stands. “Good luck with explaining the state of your knees on your own.”

He walks away, and Aaron feels a mixture of relief and sorrow.

…

Before the day’s over, Robert’s at the scrapyard. “Is Adam around?”

“With your sister.”

“Look, I’m sorry about earlier.”

Getting ready to move an engine, Aaron replies, “What for? I didn’t want your help in explaining my knees. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

Robert shakes his head. “I did. Hurling insults and walking away, that’s the old me. Or I want it to be the old me.”

“I wasn’t insulted.”

“I know my lashing out-”

“Isn’t there anyone else you could be having this conversation with?”

“Fine,” Robert says. “I’m not doing this again. I’d say I hope you find your Mr Right, but, uh, well, it’d be a lie, wouldn’t it? I’m just going to acknowledge that I can’t stop you, and I don’t have a say in you finding another bloke. All I have a say in is me, and I’m not going to be the man you have meaningless sex with.”

“That’s all you ever were,” Aaron calmly says. “Yeah, I loved you, and maybe, as much as ya could, you loved me, but all that shagging we did, the truth is, it didn’t mean much. Not anything, really. You were just being Robert Sugden, getting everything you said you wanted but never being satisfied, always looking for more, and well, we both know what I am.” He looks around. “This is the spot you said it, innit? Only thing you got wrong was making it out like you were doing a favour not dumping me. ‘Cause, you, you were the perfect way to hurt myself.”

Robert literally recoils, and there’s so much anger and hurt in his eyes, Aaron isn’t sure if he’s going to shove him around, hurl hurtful words, or cry.

After a long moment, he doesn’t do any of the above. He simply leaves.

…

Aaron would be proud of Robert, if not for being so frustrated: Robert keeps his word.

The one time Aaron tries to start something at the scrapyard, Robert only briefly returns the kiss before breaking away. “I said no, Aaron. Let me know when Adam is back, yeah? We can go over the accounts then.”

…

He’s never completely understood what irony is, but the fact he now shares his mum’s complete disgust towards Robert but can’t talk to her because of her much worse boyfriend might fit the definition.

Paddy isn’t an option, either, and everyone besides the Whites are content to let the past go and hope, maybe, Robert really has changed for good.

He’s definitely not willingly going near any of the White family to see if they’ll share the mutual frustration they all have with Robert flipping Sugden’s continuing existence.

…

Trying to convince himself he’s handling things ends when he punches Gordon, and in response, his mum slaps him.

 Of course, Robert finds him at the scrapyard before he can decide on doing anything.

 Even if he weren’t completely numb, he wouldn’t be able to muster any real surprise.

“Are we going to talk about it?” Robert quietly asks.

He shakes his head.

“Alright.”

When Robert pulls him to his feet and begins undressing him, he doesn’t protest. When Robert examines all the new cuts, he doesn’t protest. When Robert cleans them all with antiseptic and bandages most of them, he doesn’t protest.

He doesn’t talk, either, but Robert determinedly chatters away.

“You’re not staying alone. I can take you to Vic and Adam’s and take the sofa while Vic takes mine and you kip with Adam, or it’s me and you.”

The anger is inside, but he’s too tired to bring it out. “I’m not sleeping with anyone. I’ll take the sofa tonight, and that’s as good as you’ll get.”

“It seems, for all your assertions, you have forgotten who you’re talking to. I managed to stop the police being rung, but if you think I won’t ring them myself and tell them all about your history of self-harm when they take you in, warn them what’ll happen if they don’t put you under suicide watch, well- I let you go to prison, didn’t I? You already hate me for that, you won’t be getting out for literal years if you do actually hurt me, and everyone I love, you love them, too. So, you’ve got nothing on me, mate, but I’ve got quite the trump card on you. Adam or me?”

“You,” he grits out.

…

Robert once tied him up and pointed a gun at him.

More than once, Robert has torn him down with just words.

What Gordon did is the worst anyone, including Robert, has ever done to him, but other than this, Gordon hasn’t done anywhere near the amount of bad Robert has done. He’s never held a gun on someone, cheated on either Aaron’s mum or Sandra, staged a robbery, or hurt anywhere near the number of people Robert has.

None of this apparently means anything, because, almost as soon as Robert lies down beside him in Robert’s too-small bed, he’s fast asleep, and in the morning, he only has a vague memory of once waking up due to a kick.

If Robert is going to insist on him having a bedmate for the time, much as he hates to, Vic isn’t getting to sleep with her husband and Adam’s going to have to deal with his gay best mate invading his bed.

He believes Robert didn’t deliberately touch him the whole night, but with the size of the bed, every single shift brought them into contact.

…

 After Adam and Vic are convinced to leave, Robert starts cleaning the kitchen.

“This isn’t you, Robert.”

Turning on the water, Robert absently asks, “How do you mean?” Before Aaron can answer, he adds, “Hey, toss me that fork I missed.”

Aaron does. “Whatever you’re trying to do, save me, fix me, take care of me, it ain’t you. You don’t go for messes for more than fun.”

Letting out an unhappy sound, Robert doesn’t say anything until the sink is full. Coming over, he sits down.

“I tried to take care of my mum.”

The words are so faint, it takes Aaron a minute to register them.

“Some days, I’d bring her and Dad breakfast in bed. Well, me and Andy both, and later, Vic, but it was my idea. I’d always worry about her. There wasn’t a real reason. I just wanted to make sure she was always safe and happy. When Dad cheated on her, I hated him. I couldn’t understand why anyone would do that sort of thing.”

Making a small sound, Robert shrugs. “I never wanted to think about how that boy became this man. I still don’t. But I’m only selfish and greedy and all my other faults most of the time. I once slept on the floor in hospital when Vic was admitted for her heart. I did love Katie and Chrissie, it just wasn’t- I don’t know. If I could take back what I did to them and Andy and, most importantly, you, I would, but I can’t.”

“So, you can either believe that I love you and am determined, for once, not to hurt someone who I lost through my own stupid fault anymore, or you can believe I see you getting better as part of my responsibility towards becoming a better person. Either way, I’m not going to hurt you like I did Katie, and I don’t mean pushing her. I mean, you’ve insisted it’s over, and however much it hurts, I’m going to handle things without lashing out. And I’m not going to let you hurt yourself, not if I can possibly help it. Because, there’s accepting that a relationship is over, and then, there’s letting someone you love suffer when you can possibly do something about it. I won’t do the latter, Aaron.”

Aaron doesn’t know how to process this.

This is probably why he ends up blurting out, “I tried to do breakfast in bed for my stepmum, once. Ended up accidentally burning my little sister’s left big toe.”

Robert manages not to laugh, but it’s obvious he’s only just managing to stop himself. However, his eyes are simply interested. “How’d ya manage that?”

…

Aaron’s just asked, “Favourite place you’ve ever been,” when he realises: He’s spread out on the sofa, Robert’s sitting on the floor and leaning against it, and they’ve been talking for quite awhile, now.

He always wanted to have the long talks with Robert he had with both Jackson and Ed, but he accepted early on he never would. With Jackson, he wanted to but often found himself worried about being soft by doing so, and with Ed, it was much easier, but however much he wishes it sometimes, despite his love for Ed, he could never find himself in love with him. Robert, whether worried about being soft or simply wanting to keep things simple, almost always tried to make sure they didn’t.

“I wish I could say Japan. I went there on business, once, and was sick from before landing ‘til three days after I left. Though, I hear Barcelona’s incredible. I fancy going there someday. You?”

“I can’t be around my dad,” Aaron announces. “I’m not getting into why. But I hate him, and there are days I hate this village. So, if you want to set the police after me, that’s your call, mate. I’m leaving Emmerdale, and before you say anything, you ain’t coming with me. I’m not telling you or anyone else where I’m going. I promise ya, though, once I get away from my dad and memories of all the other bad stuff around here, I’ll be fine. Being here is what’s making me feel the need to hurt myself.”

Silence fills the room.

“At least, let me help you, then.”

“Aside from not trying to stop me, I don’t need your help.”

“Aaron.”

He doesn’t respond.

Robert lets out a small sound. “I know you and your mum aren’t getting along, but what about everyone else? Paddy, Adam, my sister, the rest of your Dingle family? Even Diane and Finn.”

Aaron shrugs. “They take Gordon’s side over mine, I haven’t got any use for ‘em.”

“Why do you hate your dad so much?”

“I’ve told ya, I’m not getting into it.”

“You’re leaving because of him. Because you don’t want your mum with him. Since when do you run? Let someone-”

 He knows Robert doesn’t know, but the words cause him to get up and stumble away in fury with unwanted tears clouding his vision.

It’s like Robert is saying it was his fault. It’s as if he’s being called weak and being told what happened wasn’t a big deal all in one.

Hearing Robert’s soft voice, he finds himself pinned against the wall.

“Tell me.”

He twists at the hands holding his wrists.

“Only if you promise to sit.”

“Yeah, okay,” he numbly agrees.

…

“I wish you’d tell me what he did that was so bad. What happened to ya. Or tell _someone_ , at any rate. You can leave Emmerdale, and maybe, you can be happy and find peace somewhere elsewhere, but trust me, all the bad that’s happened, it’ll never completely leave you alone until you confront it.”

Making a small noise, Robert hands him a cuppa and sits down in the recliner. “Trust me, I know what I’m talking about. I spent over ten years, a decade, away from here, and when Lawrence insisted on staying here, I wanted to kill him, and to be honest, I felt bitter and resentful towards Chrissie for agreeing instead of taking Lachlan and going somewhere better with me.”

“Would’ve worked out better if she had,” he says.

“I don’t know."

Surprised, Aaron looks over.

“I never would have gotten involved with you if we had. Might not have even met ya.”

Aaron groans, and shrugging slightly, Robert continues, “It’s not Chrissie or Katie or any of the others’ faults, but I got them infatuated with a lie. I knew what they wanted to see, who they wanted to be with, and I was very good at presenting myself as that person. For a time, at any rate. You, though, you were a different sort of challenge. Then, I got ta know ya, really get to know you, and I started to care so much.”

“Funny way of showing it,” he retorts. “Could have done with a lot less of it.”

“Fair,” Robert says. “Except, you still love me. Don’t- I’m not trying to start anything. You know me better than anyone, Aaron. I’m not quite sure how that happened, to be honest, but it did. And you do. You know me better than anyone I’ve ever met. I never thought I’d find someone who could know me so well. And I thought, if I did, they’d be liable to kill me. That’s- that’s, uh, part of the reason I couldn’t be sure if the shooting was you or not.”

“It wasn’t, though. You don’t like me, you don’t want to be near me, and part of you probably does hate me. But part of me is always going to be inside, mate. I know, because, part of you will always be inside me. You want to know what my worst mistake was? It wasn’t pushing Katie. It was not admitting the truth when you told me you loved me. I’d just gotten everything I ever truly wanted in that moment, and I was too stupid to realise. The money, the pretty wife, the big house, I’d been after all that for so long, I wasn’t going to listen to anyone, least of all myself, who tried to tell me that what I wanted and needed had changed on a fundamental level.”

“I’ve been there, mate,” he quietly admits.

He finds himself staring down at the sofa.

When he was twelve, Gordon had tried to bend him over either the bathtub or closed toilet seat, he’d resisted, and it’d turned out Sandra and Liv had come home from something early. Neither Sandra or his little sister had thought it was anything but him and Gordon having another argument, and sometimes, he’s thankful for this, and sometimes, he wishes Sandra had been more curious.

It had been the last time Gordon ever tried, but since then, he’s spent his whole life fearing ending up in such a position.

Luckily, no one he’s ever been with has tried such a thing, but he’s always been aware he could well end up with a bloke who wanted it.

Getting up, he goes over and touches Robert’s shoulder.

Robert stands.

“I’m leaving. One last time?”

Pain and sadness cross Robert’s face and stay in his eyes, but nodding, he touches Aaron’s cheek.

There are times Aaron hates how good it feels when Robert does this.

…

Aaron bends over, and his stomach sharply aches, but this is him doing it, this is his choice-

Robert’s hand on his back is light, but the feeling of it is all Aaron can concentrate on. “Aaron? Are you sure? This-”

He pulls Robert closer. “I’m sure.”

…

This isn’t good.

Even aside from having his cuts pressed against, he plain doesn’t like the position, but- what Robert is doing isn’t what Gordon would do.

Robert isn’t Gordon. No one is Gordon, and there are people out there who’d do what Gordon did, if they could, but Robert isn’t one of them.

Aaron’s always known all this, but it truly hits him, now.

Robert’s trying to make this good, and it would be, if not for this position.

“Aaron?”

Reaching back, Aaron finds Robert’s hand and manages to get stood back up.

It doesn’t hurt, but he doesn’t like the feeling when Robert breaks contact by moving away.

“Your bed would be better.”

“I’m not sure-”

The well-worn feelings of realising he’s messed up and not understanding why he did and wishing he could just stop comes, but finding himself studying Robert’s face, they ease. Robert is concerned and probably confused, but there’s also desire in his eyes. He still wants Aaron.

He takes Robert’s hand. “I still want you, Robert. I-” He gestures to the sofa. “It was an idea, and it didn’t work. But your bed, I know it will.”

“Aaron- Just be honest. Are you alright? This isn’t you trying to-”

“All I’m trying to do is make this good for both of us. If you still want it, so do I. You’ve never tried something that didn’t turn out great?”

“Loads of times,” is the wry response.

Letting out a scoffing chuckle, Aaron squeezes his hand and starts to lead him to the bedroom. “Come on.”

…

He doesn’t want to ever leave the bed.

He’d felt like this at Home Farm. Even knowing all the bad out there, he hadn’t been able to care. Robert was always near, always warm, and they talked and occasionally laughed. All his usual fears and unpleasant thoughts of the past, they were muted and, a few times, he realised he hadn’t been thinking of them, feeling such things, at all.

There were times he’d felt okay, normal, and strong at Paddy’s and with Jackson and Ed, too. Someone once told him it was safety he was feeling.

Paddy, Jackson, and Ed, he can see why he would, but if there’s one thing Robert will never be, it’s safe.

He’s acutely aware of Robert’s palm splayed out on his chest. Somehow, the trip to the bedroom had turned into him being fully undressed, and just like the first time, he hadn’t stopped to think of his scars.

Now, Robert’s fingers occasionally trace the older, faded ones. 

Steeling himself, he wraps his hands around Robert’s wrist and moves the hand and arm off his chest. “I don’t hate you. I just know ya. Better than anyone, that’s probably true. I know what you did to my Debbie. It’s- she doesn’t need anyone, least of all me, to be angry for her or call ya out. But you made her think ya loved her, loved her kid, who’s actually your niece, but then, maybe, with how ya felt about Andy, you don’t or didn’t consider Sarah and Jack yours, and she loved you back. When all it was on your end was trying to hurt Andy.”

“You had me in Chrissie’s house, in her bed, but even now, ya say you love her. Katie, forgetting the fact she accidentally died because of you and me, you wanted her partly because of Andy, and ya cheated on her, too. It doesn’t matter that none of them ever really knew you. Not really, because, I do, and how am I any different?”

Aaron feels a new shred of respect when Robert doesn’t answer.

“Thought so,” he says. Starting to climb around Robert, he adds, “Take care of yourself, yeah? I best-”

“Please, don’t hurt Andy.”

Puzzled, he stops and looks at Robert.

Robert looks- scared.

Taking a breath, Robert says, “I can’t hold it against you if you do, but Aaron, please, I’m begging ya, don’t hurt my brother.”

“Why would I-”

Robert grabs his hand. “Because, I’m about to tell you something.” Taking a deeper breath, Robert brings the hand up to the scar from the bullet wound. “It, this- Andy and Ross did it. They made a deal, and Ross shot me for Andy.”

Letting his fingers stroke and press against the scar, Aaron tries to process this.

He’d _known_ Robert knew who the shooter was and was, for some unfathomable reason, trying to protect them. He’d given up, though, and resigned himself to never getting answers.

Robert’s words are tentative, “I didn’t know, at first.” He briefly squeezes Aaron’s wrist. “As soon as I did, I gave the police the statement to get ya out.”

“Thanks for that.”

Surprise crosses Robert’s face, and Aaron’s a bit surprised himself.

If he comes across Andy, either another person is going to be punched, or he’s going to do much worse, but- Robert really hasn’t done wrong. He was shot, he didn’t know who did it, and when he did, even with protecting his brother by lying, he still did the right thing and managed to get Aaron out.

“Why are ya telling me this?”

“Because, you are different. I don’t want to have any secrets from you, Aaron. I’m not denying I’ve screwed up with you just as badly as I did with any of the others, but I swear to you, you can trust me, now. I won’t ever deliberately hurt you again, and I’ll try my hardest not to accidentally.”

Aaron’s tempted. He could stay here, in Robert’s too-small bed, see if a proper relationship between them could work and last, try to avoid Gordon around the village-

Robert doesn’t know him better than anyone. As much as Aaron might want to, he doesn’t think there’s anything he could learn about Robert that’d make him stop feeling the way he does, but if Robert knew-

After Jackson’s accident, Aaron told him about Gordon, and Jackson had taken his side. He hadn’t blamed Aaron and had tried to stop Aaron blaming himself, but he didn’t look at or treat Aaron any differently, either.

Aaron just desperately hopes him telling didn’t play some part, didn’t make it easier, in what Jackson decided to do.  

He thinks Ed would have been the same, but he’d never told.

Robert, though- Either he’d take it well, or he wouldn’t. Aaron thinks he could handle Robert not, but the first time Robert ever tried to use what Gordon did against him- Aaron knows he probably couldn’t stop himself from trying to literally kill Robert.

Leaning down, he kisses him.

“Goodbye, Robert.”

Robert lets him get dressed and leave.

…

He goes to the Woolpack to pack what he’ll need, and his mum appears and insists, “We’re going on a picnic.”

They go on the picnic, and in between the morning he had with Robert and how nice the picnic was and how close he finds himself feeling to her, the words, “My dad raped me,” are out.

…

“You’re still here,” Robert says.

He looks happy, but Aaron doesn’t have time to deal with him.

Aaron’s still in Emmerdale, because, his mum tried to attack Gordon with a knife and almost blurted out the reason why to Diane, Vic, and Finn when they helped stop her. He has to stay to keep her from doing something stupid and/or further ruining his life.

“Vic or Diane didn’t tell ya what happened?”

Based on Robert’s expression, the answer is no.

“Look, Robert, we can talk later if ya want.” He pays Bob for the coffee. “I have to deal with our Cain right now.”

His mum is safely in the Woolpack, but he can’t find Cain anywhere in the village, and she admitted to telling him.

Robert follows. “What’s he gotten himself into this time?” Then, “Er, he’s not gone after Andy, has he? I have the right to know, at least-”

“No. Look, I’ve not told anyone about what your Andy did.” Getting to the car, he groans when Robert holds the door to stop him from shutting it.

“My dad hurt me when I was a kid. That’s why I didn’t want my mum getting back with him. I told her, she told Cain, and now, the flipping idiot might be at Gordon’s, doing something he isn’t gonna be able to get himself out of.”

“Move over, then,” Robert says. “I’ll drive.”

Even knowing he’s wasting precious time, Aaron can’t help but stare.

Robert shrugs. “You only drink that after a night of drinking. I have absolutely no alcohol in my system. So, you want to get to your dad’s safely and without a possible- the risk of a cop pulling ya over? I’ll drive.”

Getting out, Aaron grumbles, “Fine,” and tosses him the keys.

…

“What did your dad do? How did he hurt you?”

“None of your business.”

“It wasn’t just hitting ya. Or at least-”

“Shut it,” Aaron warns.

Calling Cain, he gets voicemail. Wishing Robert would drive faster, he begs, “Cain, please, don’t be doing sommat stupid. Let’s talk about this, yeah? He ain’t worth- Just don’t do anything, and call me, yeah?”

They finally get to Gordon’s house, and Aaron wants to be relieved by the fact Cain’s car and no other cars Cain could’ve taken are around, but Cain would hopefully be smart enough not to have a traceable car sat around when he’s- “Stay here,” he tells Robert.

Robert nods, but something about the way he takes off his seatbelt makes it clear he won’t.

Taking a deep breath, Aaron wraps his hand around Robert’s arm. “If Cain’s in there, he ain’t just beating up on Gordon. This is something ya don’t want to be involved with, Robert. Trust me. I shouldn’t’ve told me mum, but I did, and she couldn’t keep her gob shut. You go in, there’s a chance all of us are going to be deal with the police.”

“Well, I’ve always done better with that than you Dingles.” Robert reaches over to open Aaron’s door, and then, opens his own. “Come on. Let’s go deal with your mental uncle and apparently scumbag dad.”

Robert’s already knocking on Gordon’s door before Aaron can respond.

…

Breaking in, they find Gordon tied up and Cain trying to force him to take pills.

“You brought him along,” Cain demands.

“Seriously, what in the hell did Livesy here _do_?”

Thankfully, Cain slaps tape over Gordon’s mouth.

“Cain, a word. Now,” Aaron says. “Robert, watch over him, yeah? Please. Don’t untie ‘im just yet.”

“Alright,” Robert agrees.

Aaron drags Cain away from the two.

“Please, don’t do this.”

“Why do you still care about him after what he’s done?”

 “I can’t have him on your conscience.”

“He won’t be.”

“Alright, well, I can’t have you being sent down on mine.”

“So, you’re just going to let him off, and forget about it?”

“Excuse me,” Robert says. “Why is there ‘Paedophile’ on the wall?”

Aaron didn’t even really register it, but of course, it’s something Robert would. “Cain!”

“This isn’t your business,” Cain says to Robert.

Catching his eye, Robert quietly asks, “Aaron?”

Sighing, he rubs his eyes. “Yeah, alright? Four times. The first when I was eight. Now, you know. It’d be a really good idea for ya to leave. I promise, whatever happens, your name stays out.”

“I’ll promise that, too,” Cain quietly says. “In fact, get him out of here. Something needs doing, and it needs doing, now.”

Robert looks over at Gordon, and it’s restrained, but Aaron doesn’t think he’s ever seen Robert look so angry or so disgusted.

“I’ll call the police.” Steeling himself, he adds, “I’ll call ‘em. Tell ‘em what he did to me.”

Cain scoffs. “Tell me, Sugden, what do you reckon about all this?”

“This doesn’t concern-”

“I understand why you want to do this,” Robert says. “If it were my niece or nephew, I would, too. With it being Aaron, I want it done. But that doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter what either of us want or what will give us some peace. Aaron doesn’t want this, and if you do it anyways, you could badly hurt him. My dad never did anything this bad, and neither did Zak, but we both know our dads are far from perfect. We still love them, and we’d still want to protect them.”

“Don’t do this, Cain. It’ll give him what he deserves, but it won’t do anything for Aaron’s suffering. He’s had enough of that, don’t ya think?”

Aaron takes a few shuddery breaths. “I know something needs to be done, Cain. I- I can’t keep letting what he did- but not this. I don’t want this. So, I’ll tell the police, and whatever happens, happens.”

…

When he and Robert get to the scrapyard, he gets out, goes to the portacabin, and sinks down onto the ground. Leaning against it, he closes his eyes.

Robert sits beside him, and when Aaron feels Robert’s arm over his shoulders, the tears and sobs come.

Holding him tighter, Robert pulls Aaron against him, makes soft circles Aaron’s barely able to feel on his back, and doesn’t say a word.

…

He punches Andy and decides this is enough.

He goes to the police, and because of his mum, everyone in the village quickly finds out about Gordon.

Even though he knows many of them do, none of them need to worry. Though Robert has deemed him fit enough to sleep without a bedmate, Robert is constantly around. Pub, scrapyard, or Bob’s café, if Aaron’s there, there’s a good chance he will be, too. He usually has lunch with Aaron and Adam, Aaron and Vic, or all three of them.

His mum isn’t happy, but she’s mostly quiet about it.

“Here.”

Aaron looks up from his desk.

Sitting down, Robert pushes a paper closer. “Your stepmum. Sandra. I found her.”

For a long moment, he looks down at the address. He and Robert had talked about how she might be helpful, but he hadn’t believed finding her was a possibility.

He should have remembered who exactly he was talking to, he supposes. Robert’s only willing to admit a few things are impossibilities, and if he wants or believes something is necessary enough, time and time again have proven he’ll get it, see it happen, or prevent it.  

“Thank you.”

Robert smiles. “No problem. If you decide to go and want some company, I’m up for a road trip, eh?”

Putting his hand on Robert’s, Aaron leans over to kiss him.

Turning his head slightly, Robert says, “We shouldn’t.”

“Why not?”

Then, the confusion disappears, and he knows why. “Because. you don’t still see me like that.”

He’s not going to hurt himself, but he has to leave.

He’d known, hadn’t he?  

…

He’s been helping Marlon with April and Leo in the pub when Robert comes. “I haven’t hurt myself,” he quietly tells him.

“Good,” is Robert’s easy reply. “Can we go for a walk?”

“There’s nothing to talk about.”

“If you don’t come with me, you’ll have no one to blame but yourself when the rest of your Dingle family knows all about our private business, because, if I have to, I’ll start talking right here and now.”

Getting his jacket, Aaron goes outside with Robert.

After they start walking, Robert says, “I still see ya like that. I always will. I want you. A lot. But in the middle of all this, it- it wouldn’t be fair on ya.”

“Shouldn’t I be the one to decide that?”

He stills when Robert takes his hand. “I’m trying not to mess things up here. I told ya, I love you, and I want to be with you properly. The best way to do that is if we can stop hurting each other. Right now, you need all the friends you can get. A relationship, though- there’s so much involved in that, even for people who don’t have our unique history.”

Aaron can’t argue with any of the above.

“I’ll wait for you. ‘Til you’re ready.”

“And then what?”

“Then, we give it a proper chance. If you still want me.”

Aaron can’t say he loves Robert.

He can’t admit out loud he’s still in love with him.

It’s time to stop denying, however, how much he wants to give a proper relationship between them a chance. “Well, I will do. Of course, I want this.”

Letting out a soft sound, Robert kisses his forehead and pulls him into a hug.

He wraps his arms around Robert, finds a space between the crook of Robert’s neck and shoulder for his head, and closes his eyes.


End file.
